Mile 20

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?

And why have you become disturbed within me?

Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,

The help of my countenance and my God." 

Psalm 42:11

I have been putting off updating our blog for several days now because I was unsure of just what to communicate.  I wanted to wait until we found out our travel dates for Ukraine.  For the past couple weeks I have been on pins and needles, expecting every phone call to be from our adoption coordinator telling us the exciting news that we would be heading to Ukraine this month.  But that call hasn't come. In fact, because of three different holidays in Ukraine in the last two weeks, it seems like things have slowed down to a snail's pace.  Thursday, when I spoke to our coordinator and found out that it could very well be another 3 weeks before we travel I was completely deflated and full of frustration and questions.  I feel like my prayers have been bouncing off the ceiling lately.  There are some specific things I am praying for that have gone unanswered or God has said no to.  As we pray for mountains to move, for Igor to be rescued, for God to be glorified….He seems to remain silent.   And Thursday I hit the wall.  Forgive my running analogy for those of you who aren't runners, but that day felt very much like mile 20 in a marathon.  The wall, in a marathon, happens somewhere around mile 20.  When you hit the wall you feel like you can't possibly go another step.  Everything hurts, you strength is zapped and 6 more miles seems like an impossible feat.  You just want to sit down and quit.  It's TOO hard to go on…what were you possibly thinking when you thought you could do this?  And that was Thursday for me.  I was angry with God for not answering.  I was so very worn with the waiting.  My faith was crumbling.  I felt like I couldn't ask God for anything big, because He wouldn't come through.  This whole adoption journey for us has been going on for 2 1/2 years now and I'm so ready for the happy ending.  Thursday, as I heard more discouraging and frightening news of unrest in Ukraine, in areas so very close to Igor, the question that has been nagging at me in the very back recesses of my mind came spewing out.  God, are you really going to put us through this whole ordeal and not rescue Igor?  Are you planning to break my heart all over again?  I can't take this anymore!  I had hit the wall.

     How do runner's finish a marathon after they've hit the wall?  They refuel, rehydrate, and refocus their eyes back on the goal.  So after sulking for more of the day than I care to admit, I finally, though skeptically, opened my bible to seek nourishment for my depleted soul.  And as I looked to refuel with the "Bread of Life" and rehydrate with the "Living Water," God turned my eyes to Psalm 118.

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good;

For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Oh let Israel say,

His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Oh let the house of Aaron say

His lovingkindness is everlasting

Oh let those who fear the LORD say,

His lovingkindness is everlasting.

From my distress I called upon the LORD;

The LORD answered me and set me in a large place.

The LORD is for me; I will not fear;

What can man do to me?

The word for lovingkindness here is chesed which means goodness, kindness, deeds of devotion, faithfulness, mercies, unchanging love.  The lies that were weighing me down were, "God doesn't love you as much as others, He's not always good, He can't be trusted.  He won't come through."  The truth is God is only good.  His love for me never changes.  He is full of goodness, kindness, faithfulness and deeds of devotion.  He is completely in control of this whole situation and He is working out His perfect plan.  His plan….not my plan.  His timing…. not my timing.  His glory…which will be my happy ending…no matter what happens.  So we continue to wait, and trust….and wait….and trust.  Please continue to pray for Igor's safety during all this unrest in Ukraine.  Click here for a recent story on Donetsk.  Continue to pray that God will keep the doors of adoption open and bring Igor home.  

On a lighter note…we have two new ways you can partner with us to raise funds to bring Igor home.  We have decided to relaunch our T-shirt sales.  Because of some problems with our original company, we are using a different printer and handling sales ourselves.  Our dear friend, Chris Harrell, came up with a wonderful design.  We think you'll love this new shirt!  You can click on the picture on the right to be taken to a page that explains how the sale will work this time.    

The second way you can help us raise money is simply by doing something  most of you do regularly anyways….Drink lots of coffee!!  We have set up a fundraiser with Just Love Coffee Roasters.  JLCR has a variety of products…12 oz. bags, 8 oz. bags, Individual cups, mugs, t-shirts….  You simply need to click on the link on the right to be taken to our storefront, and from there, shop for products.  Be sure to use our link, otherwise we won't get credit for the sales.  Feel free to share our link with all your coffee drinking friends!  

Psalm 118: 15-17

The sound of joyful shouting and salvation is in the tents of the righteous;

The right hand of the LORD does valiantly.

the right hand of the LORD is exalted;

The right hand of the LORD does valiantly.

I will not die but live,

And tell of the works of the LORD.