Ukraine! November 4th!!

I wasn't sure if I'd ever get to type those words…but it's true!  Today I purchased two airline tickets for Jim and I to fly to Kiev, Ukraine on November 4th!!  We have requested, and were granted, a second SDA appointment for November 6th.  While we are elated and ecstatic about seeing Igor in two short weeks, there is still much up in the air regarding our adoption.  Today we want to share with you praises for ways God has provided, urgent requests for prayer, and a way you can partner with us to provide for the children of the Pishana orphanage.

First, Thank you so much to those of you who were able to donate money to the Nasledie Heritage Foundation.  Through our combined efforts, $2500 was donated to purchase supplies for Igor's orphanage!!  Here is a link for you to see a picture of some of the items we purchased:  nasledie blog  You will need to scroll down that page to the posting from Friday, 10/17 to see an update on all the Nasledie ministry was able to purchase with your donations.  School supplies, cleaning products, hygiene items, pajamas, socks, sweatshirts….The director at Pishana was very grateful!   There is an ongoing need for supplies for these children so if you didn't get a chance to donate and still have a desire to do so you can go to this link:  donate to Pishana.  You will need to write "Slavik and Alyona Puzanov, supplies for Pishana orphanage" in the Program line in order for the money to be directed to the orphanage.

Because there are so many shortages in Ukraine right now due to the war, the Pishana orphanage will have very little heating oil this winter to run the heat.  Last Christmas, the junior class from our youth group made no-sew fleece blankets for Jim and I to take with us and give to Igor's orphanage.  Those blankets have been sitting in our attic as we waited on God's timing for our travel.  Now it seems those blankets are the perfect gift for the children of Pishana.  However, 12 blankets is not nearly enough to provide a blanket for all 110 children in the orphanage.  Laura, from the Nasledie Foundation, connected me with a woman in Iowa who has set about to collect enough fleece blankets for all 110 children.  Together, she and I are trying to recruit volunteers to make a fleece blanket so we can take these when we travel on November 4th.  The airline we are flying with allows us to take 3 (50lb.) bags each, so Jim and I would like to fill up those extra bags with these blankets and other supplies for Pishana.  I am asking you all to prayerfully consider making one of these blankets this next week.  They are SO easy to make and it would be a fun family project.  I would need to receive the blanket no later than November 3rd in order to take it with me.  Here is a link with directions on making the "no-sew fleece blanket".  You can also google "no-sew fleece blanket" and watch YouTube videos on how to make one.  All the directions give different sizes and measurements, so for our blankets you should purchase 1 1/2 yards (60in. wide) of a generic print fleece (to be used for a boy or girl) and 1 1/2 yards of a coordinating plain fleece.  Cut the corners at 4" squares and make the strips 4" by 1".   JoAnn Fabric in Cary is having a sale on fleece through tomorrow if you live local.   Please, please consider making one of these for the children!  We need as much help as we can get on this project.  If you work as a family, it will probably take an hour or less to tie together one of these blankets.

Most of all, we covet your prayers for us.  As I said, much is still up in the air regarding our adoption.  We do not have confirmation that Igor's paperwork has been moved.  If we arrive for our appointment on November 6th and his paperwork has not been moved, the SDA officer will not present Igor's file to us.  The director of his old orphanage in Irmino must transfer his paperwork for Igor to be eligible for adoption.  However, our facilitator in Ukraine has not been able to get in touch with this director.  Please pray that they will be able to make a connection in this next week.  You may wonder why we would request a second SDA appointment if Igor's paperwork was not moved.  Well, the documents in our dossier (large packet of documents we sent to Ukraine) begin to expire on December 20th.  When that happens, we will need to redo the entire dossier with a different adoption agency.  Because Ukraine recently adopted the Hague agreement, all adoptions from this point on will have to be done under a certified adoption agency.  We have been using a private consultant.  We have been grandfathered in, as long as the adoption is finished in December 2014.  So our adoption coordinator suggested we request a date in November that would allow us to finish the adoption before our documents begin to expire, with the hopes that the paperwork would get transferred in time.  So we are asking God to move this mountain.  To do a miracle.  If He doesn't, we are still grateful that we have this opportunity to visit our boy for a few days.

There are many logistics we need to take care of in the next week and a half.  Here are more specifics on how you can pray:

 - Praise God for all the supplies purchased for Pishana
- Praise God we are going to Ukraine!!!!!!!!  And will soon be able to hug our sweet boy!!! (I'm crying already at the thought of that)
- Praise God for very reasonable flight costs which include 3 checked bags each.
- Praise God we were granted an SDA appointment for November 6th
- Pray for coverage for Jim's practice.  It's very difficult to leave his practice during flu season.  Pray for his staff to be able to handle all the issues that will arise in Jim's absence.
- Pray that God will move Igor's paperwork and that we would be given a referral for Igor on November 6th
- Pray that we would be an encouragement to the children at Pishana orphanage
- Pray that enough blankets would be donated for Pishana
-Pray for Nick and Joyce Rundlett who will be staying with Ashley and Daniel and for Mat and Jenni Taft who will take care of Josiah while we are gone.
- Pray for safety for us as we travel.  Americans are not well liked in Ukraine.  Please pray for our protection.
-Pray that we will accept God's plan, however it unfolds.  Pray that we will know when to act….and when to wait and trust.

Our travel dates are Nov. 4-12.  We do not get to bring Igor home on this trip.  If we receive a referral for him, we will be assigned a court date 3-6 weeks later and we will travel back to Ukraine with the hopes of returning with our son.

May God get the glory, no matter what the "Glorious Unfolding" of His story may be….

A way to help Igor!

Thank you to all of you who have joined us in prayer over the last two weeks.  After I posted last Tuesday, I wanted several times to go back and delete that posting.  I felt like I had been a little too "real" in expressing my emotions.  But I would be lying if all I expressed in this blog were statements of faith and assurance.  In reality, this journey has been full of ups and downs.  There are days when I am confident and peaceful and willing to accept whatever God's plan is in this story He's writing.  And there are days when I cry and beg and plead with God to please hurry up and bring Igor home because it just hurts too much.  It's those days that I cling to God and His promises and remind myself that this is all about God and His glory.  He is Sovereign.  He knows Igor's needs better than I do.  He is doing things I can't begin to understand.  So last week when I asked friends to join us in fasting and praying, I think God knew that request was for my sake.  As I fasted and prayed Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, a sense of peace and trust returned to my heart.  I came to the point on Thursday where I was ready to hear whatever our facilitator in Ukraine told me in regards to Igor.  I held my palms upward to God and once again released my grip on Igor and my desire for God to bring him home.  I got to the point where I could pray the prayer that never fails..."Father, your will be done...not my will but yours be done."  When I got to that point,  I ended my fast and I wrote to Nastya to see if she could tell me if Igor was indeed permanently transferred and if she had been able to track down his paperwork.  Here is her reply:

Hello Kimmie, we don't know where their paperwork is but SDA is telling us that no adoptions can be completed before they make a decision considering these changes. Odessa regional authorities are telling us adoption could be completed but SDA is still not giving appointments for these children. We will continue to follow this situation and let you know when it clears. 


So that's where we are right now.  Continuing to watch and wait.  But, God has laid in our lap a way to help Igor and the Pishana orphanage where he's living.  And we want to recruit as many of you as we can to help as well!!  I wrote to my contact from the Nasledie Heritage Foundation (the ministry that posted a picture of Igor) to see if there was a need for supplies and if there was a way for us to give money to them so they could purchase supplies for Pishana Orphanage.  I will copy her reply, as it's easier than trying to summarize it:

 Thank you for your generous offer to help with providing things for the orphanage. Slavik Puzanov, the director of Nasledie Heritage Foundation, recently asked all of the directors of the orphanages we work in what their needs were now. He also contacted other organizations and people that he knew were helping because of the refugee situation. He has found that of the orphanages in our region that accepted the new children all have some additional support at this time except for the Pishana orphanage and the orphanage in Kilia. So we decided today that we would direct our funds towards these two orphanages.

She went on to say that Pishana now has 107 children.  They received 48 refugees at the end of August.  They need toiletries, clothing and school supplies for all these refugees as they have not been given any additional money to care for them.  To purchase all the supplies they need would cost several thousand dollars.  The Nasledie Foundation will be able to help with some of their needs but not all of them.  I know there are many of you who love Igor and pray for him daily.  Please pray over this opportunity to donate money to help take care of him and the other refugees at Pishana.  Your donation would be tax deductible and you would actually be participating in the fast that God desires in Isaiah 58...giving to the poor and needy.  The Nasledie Foundation plans to take these supplies to Pishana on October 18th.  So please take time to make your donations in the next week so they will receive the money before they begin to purchase supplies.

Here is information on how you can donate:

Any donation from you will be used to purchase these supplies. You can donate online https://npo.justgive.org/nonprofits/donate.jsp?ein=41-1652782 by following the link. Or you can send a check to International Messengers PO Box 618 Clear Lake, IA 50428.  Please send a note with your check noting that the funds should be used for Pishana orphanage supplies. Also, note that the funds should go to Slavik and Alyona Puzanov. If you donate online, you will need to make these notes in the program section.  If you do not make these notes your donation will not go to the Pishana Orphanage but will go in the ministry's general fund.  

If the above link does not work, go to http://nasledieukraine.blogspot.com/p/donate.html and follow the prompts to donate.  Don't forget to note Pishana and the directors names when you make your donation.  Let's work together to raise enough money to purchase all the supplies this orphanage needs as they care for these sweet orphans.  Because we will not see when you donate online we would love for you to drop us a quick note to let us know you are joining with us to help Pishana.  You don't need to tell us how much you donate.  We'd just love to know who is partnering with us in this.  Thank you!!

Fasting and Prayer

I have known for a couple days that I needed to update our blog to let our friends and family know of the latest developments with our adoption.  We have some things we are rejoicing over and other things we are continuing to agonize in prayer over.  So let me first share some good news with you.  Last Thursday our adoption coordinator called us to report that Igor had been permanently transferred to a new orphanage in the Odessa region.  At the end of the summer, all the children who had been moved from Lugansk to camps in the Odessa region were to be moved to new orphanages to start school.  We knew this was to be at the end of August sometime, but we weren't sure when.  For a couple weeks we tried to find out where Igor would be transferred to.  Finally, last Thursday, Tonya called to tell us the location of his new orphanage.  She said that he was legally under the guardianship of this new director.  When I asked if his paperwork had moved with him, she said that some of it has, but that the director was too busy with absorbing 70-80 new children into their orphanage and school was getting ready to start so she didn't have time to look through it.  Tonya told me to check back in a week and see if they knew anything else.  I was ecstatic at receiving this news!  This was the "impossible" that we had been praying for since the beginning of the summer.  At that time we were told that the only way our adoption could continue was if Igor was permanently transferred to another region and orphanage. That had never happened before as far as our facilitator in Ukraine knew and she held no hope for that to happen for us.  Praise God!  He had done the impossible!  As we were rejoicing over this news, the very next day we received another gift from God.  The friend I have referred to as Ashley, who also has a Lugansk child that is stuck in Ukraine, called me to tell me that a friend of hers discovered a ministry that was helping to move the children from the camps to their new orphanages.  When this friend of hers was scrolling through their website she came across a picture of Igor!!  Ashley referred me to the website which I immediately looked up and sure enough…there was his sweet smiling face!!
You can read about the ministry here.  If you go to the website and click on the blog button and scroll down you will find the picture of Igor!  This was such a God orchestrated find!  For this friend to "happen" to come across this ministry's website, and "happen" to peruse through the whole website, and "happen" to be friends with Ashley and be aware of Igor, and "happen" to tell her about this….There are no such things as coincidences!  So God, in a matter of two days, gave us assurance of Igor's location and safety.  He even let us "see" that he looked good and was in a good place.   So I sent an email off to this ministry right away to let them know that one of the children on their website was our child and to ask if they could assist us in any way with completing our adoption.  I did not hear back for a couple days and finally yesterday received a reply.  What I heard broke my heart even as I rejoiced at what God had done for Igor and for us in connecting us with this ministry.  Here is an excerpt from her letter:

     On August 29th, I was in Sergeevka and watched as the kids loaded the buses. I talked with many that loaded the Pishana bus, since I knew I would be seeing them the next day. Saturday, August 30th, I was with the team that went to the orphanage in Pishana and I met Igor. He asked me many times to find you and told me to search for you on Facebook. He said that he had been hosted and that you were coming to adopt him and that your name was Kimmie. He did not give a last name, so I wasn't sure it would ever be possible to find you. I was so happy when I got your email because I knew that he really was longing to hear from you.

What these kids are experiencing is really sad. They were taken from their orphanage and brought to a new place and are now being transferred again. I can't imagine being moved around like this as a child. Please pray for all the children in this situation.

Knowing that Igor was so anxious to find someone who could get word to us of his new location brought an agony I cannot describe to you.  Our child is half way around the world from us and he DESPERATELY wants his parents to know where he is so they can come and rescue him!  I praised God for allowing me to connect with this ministry while at the same time I felt completely powerless and hopeless, especially as I read her next paragraph:

Concerning the paperwork situation, it is our understanding that all paperwork for these kids is still in their original orphanages. The SDA will not grant appointments for these kids because they are still "located" in these eastern regions where it is not safe to travel. There was not a plan to transfer the documents because they were only to be here for the summer. As summer ended, they were sent to orphanages in the Odessa region because it is still not safe to send them back. The plan is still to take them back to their original orphanages and the places they are now are only temporary homes for them. But they say if the conflict continues the children could be permanently transferred. I cannot predict when the conflict will cease or when these areas would be safe enough to bring the kids back, but I can't imagine that it would be any time soon. Also, the amount of destruction of these areas is great and it may take time for things to be repaired and for the infrastructure to be restored.

What?  So he wasn't permanently transferred???  This is just another temporary location??  I can't tell you the frustration that welled up inside of me after reading this.  Fortunately, about that time I left to go grocery shopping so the car felt the full force of my anger, agony, sorrow, and frustration as I poured out my heart to God.  "Oh God!  Why don't you MOVE!!  Why can't you just rescue this little boy??  He needs us!!  We need him!!  What are you waiting for??"

Every different scenario and possible rescue began to flash across my mind…my cousin flies helicopters for the Navy…I'll just get him to take me over there to Lugansk and we'll march into that orphanage and get that paperwork ourselves.  If the authorities in Ukraine are going to keep dragging their feet then I'm just going to have to do this myself.  When I shared my intentions with Jim (I think he may have partially believed I was being serious) and he of course helped me to see what a ridiculous idea that was, I began to think of what I possibly could do.  And I felt God impressing on me…."Pray"…."Pray"…."Pray…and this time get serious about it."  I felt God laying on my heart to begin a fast on Tuesday that would last for the remainder of this week.  And so that's what I did.

Some of you know that we brought Josiah home this year and are once again homeschooling.  So today, in between my times of teaching him, I spent the day praying and studying scriptures on fasting.  I won't share all that I read on fasting because I really want to publish this blog today and ask you to join us in a fasting and prayer time for Igor.  When you have time check out Isaiah 58…it's a wonderful passage on fasting and what God considers an acceptable fast.  However, I want to share something from II Chronicles 20, because it correlates very closely to our situation.   Jehoshaphat was facing a great multitude…a huge army coming up against him and he was scared stiff.  So what did he do?  "he turned his attention to seek the Lord and proclaimed a fast though out all Judah.  So Judah gathered together to seek help from the Lord."  That's what we need!  Counsel and help from the Lord.  

Jehoshaphat cries out, 

     "O Lord, the God of our fathers, are You not God in the heavens?  And are You not ruler over all the kingdoms of the nations?  Power and might are in Your hand so that no one can stand against You….For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You."

And what happens?  As the King and his people humble themselves and fast and pray and admit their need and utter dependence on God alone, God steps in and does all the fighting for them.  He alone wins the battle.  The people begin to sing praises to God, and as they do, their enemies are ambushed by God and defeated.  Moab destroys the other armies that came up against Israel, and when they're done doing that, they destroy themselves.  What an Awesome God!!  And I was reminded of God's words in Matthew 19:26 once again…"With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."  

So I want to ask if some of you would prayerfully consider joining us on either Wednesday, September 10th or Thursday, September 11th to fast and pray for Igor.  I say "prayerfully" because you need to ask God if this is something He wants you to do and if He says, "yes", then ask Him what that should look like in your life.  A complete fast for a day, a liquid diet, skipping one meal, skipping sweets…God will direct you.  Here are some things I am praying for that can help you as you pray over this situation:

1.  God himself, started this story in our lives.  He's the one who led Jim to begin this process last fall.  He's the one who chose Igor for us.  Pray that God would finish what He started.

2.  God in His sovereignty allowed this war to begin right in the middle of our adoption process.  Pray that God will continue to protect Igor.

3. Pray that God will move the mountains in such a way that brings Him all the glory.

4.  Pray that our family, Igor and many others would come to know God more intimately than we ever have before through this process.

5.  Pray for protection from spiritual attacks for our family…for they have been numerous lately, especially in the lives of my children.

6.  Pray that Igor has indeed been permanently transferred to a new orphanage.

7.  Pray that his paperwork has been or will be moved….SOON!

8.  Pray that our "eyes would stay on God" and that we would wait for Him to work out His plan.

9.  Pray for peace in the waiting time.

10.  Pray that God would be a father to Igor and comfort his hurting heart.

We would love to hear from you if you choose to join us this week.  Some day I hope we will be able to show Igor the names of all the people who "battled" for him in prayer.  

Waiting….waiting….waiting

"My soul wait in silence for God only; 

From Him is my salvation.  He

only is my rock and my salvation,

My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken."

Psalm 62:1-2

Waiting.  Something I've NEVER been good at.  I'm always looking for the quickest way to get something done.  The fastest check-out line, the shortest route to my destination.  I think there should be tickets given for driving under the speed limit.  I absolutely hate stoplights.  I think they should all be converted to traffic circles so we could keep moving and not have to sit still.  So now that I find myself in a waiting period in my life, with an indefinite end, I have struggled to continue trusting my Good Father.  

In the last week we have had numerous people ask us for news about our adoption and I realized it had been over a month since we updated our blog.  There is news to report…some discouraging…some that gives a ray of hope…and some that speaks to the refining God is doing in my heart.  

When last I wrote we asked you to pray about the possibility of hosting Igor through a different hosting organization.  Well, a couple weeks later we found out that because Igor's paperwork is stuck in Lugansk, it was impossible for us to host him with any organization.  

Shortly after that, I heard from a family who is also trying to adopt a child from the Lugansk region.  We met them at the airport at the winter hosting with NHFC.  They were the last ones to receive their referral before Ukraine shut down adoptions in our region.  They are also stuck waiting for the unrest to settle down so they can go to their court appointment.  Well, Ashley contacted me the last weekend of June and told me that she had gotten permission to visit her hopeful child at camp.  She wanted to know if I knew what camp Igor was in.  We had been trying to find out exactly where Igor was, but hadn't been able to obtain that information from our facilitator in Ukraine.  She told me to send her a picture of Igor and maybe she'd see him at camp.  When she found out what orphanage he is from, she didn't think it would be likely for him to be at the same camp as her child.  Well, after her first day of visiting, she was being escorted to the gate by a security guard and she passed a boy who looked like Igor.  She said his name and he looked at her and smiled.  Then she said my name and he got all excited!  She sent me a picture of him that she had quickly snapped with the caption, "He's here!!!"  When I saw the picture I began to weep, crying, "Oh thank you Jesus!  Thank you Thank you Jesus!"  To see his precious, smiling face and to know that he was safe and happy relieved such a burden from my heart.  Throughout the week of Ashley's visit, she would send us pictures of Igor and the camp grounds.  We were able to send emails to her, translated into Russian, for Igor to read.  We were able to communicate to him that we had been ready to travel when Ukraine put a hold on adoptions.  We were able to tell him how much we love him and that we have not given up.  It relieved so many of our worries to find out that the camp was a wonderful facility.  There are lots of activities.  They go to the Black Sea twice a week.  They are well fed and well cared for.  Igor seemed very happy.  We are praising God for this gift of assurance that He's got Igor in His hand.  

While Ashley was there we finally heard back from the facilitator in Ukraine.  She shared the name and location of the camp with us.  We asked her if it would be possible for me to visit for a week.  It looked like this could be arranged so Nastya and her team began to work on getting the paperwork needed for me and another mom to visit our children.  We were hoping that this could be arranged for early August.  About a week and a half ago we received disappointing news from Nastya.  There had been another family visiting the camp who had permission and the official paperwork needed for their visit.  Without telling anyone, they took another family with them.  This made the camp director very angry.  She had a meeting with many of the officials in her area and it has been decided that no more Americans will be allowed to visit camp, for any reason.   And so, another door felt like it was being slammed in our face.  No adopting…no hosting…no visiting.  On the day I heard this news I took it well, knowing it had been a bit of a long shot.  But last week I could feel some of my old doubts and questions festering in my heart.  I know God is my Good Father, but this didn't seem like a way a Good Father should treat His child.  I reminded God that last fall I had come to the point where I had completely surrendered this dream of adoption to Him.  I had laid it at His feet, believing that He had said no and that I needed to focus on the work before me that He had called me to.  I had given it up.  HE was the one that brought all of this back into my life.  HE was the one who moved Jim's heart for adoption.  HE was the one who began this process all back up again when I had laid it at His feet.  And now what was He doing?  Nothing!  (as far as my finite eyes could see)  

Ahh…but that is so far from the truth.  He has been working all throughout the last 3 years.  Perhaps we don't have the child we long to have, the one who already feels like ours.  But some greater things are occurring as we Wait on God.  I came to realize this summer that without this trial I would not have come to know God in the way I know Him now.  This struggle has refined my faith.  It has revealed to me more of the depths of God.  It has taught me more about His faithfulness, His sovereignty, and yes, His goodness.  It has reminded me that a Good father disciplines his children.  A Good father wants to see His children grow and mature and He will use pain in our lives to build that maturity and endurance.  I have been reading "Knowing God" by J I Packer and I want to share a quote from him, 

"'Wait on the Lord' is a constant refrain in the Psalms, and it is a necessary word, for

God often keeps us waiting.  He is not in such a hurry as we are, and it is not his way 

to give more light on the future than we need for action in the present, or to guide

us more than one step at a time.  When in doubt, do nothing, but continue

to wait on God.  When action is needed, light will come."

"Sooner or later, God's guidance, which brings us out of darkness into light,

will also bring us out of light into darkness.  

It is part of the way of the cross."

"Wait on the Lord."  I can't tell you how many times God has been hammering that message into my head in the last three years.  I have been studying the book of Exodus lately and been challenged by the truths there.  As I read about God's calling of Moses, how He promised to equip Moses to lead His people to freedom, how He promised that He would work wonders and free His children I was struck by Moses' frustrations and accusations in Exodus 5:22-23.  Moses told Pharaoh everything God told him to say, and did all the signs God told him to do and what happened?  The Israelites bondage got harsher, more severe, unbearable.  I love Moses' candor with God…"Why did you ever send me??  Ever since I came to Pharaoh to speak your name, he has done harm to this people and you have not delivered Your people AT ALL!"

Exactly how I had been feeling towards God…"Why did you call us to begin this adoption?  Ever since we began you have closed one door after another and you have not delivered this child to us AT ALL!"  

As I reread the plagues and how God continued to harden Pharaoh's heart these phrases kept jumping out at me…

"The Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD….

        But indeed I have allowed you to remain, in order to show you My power and in order to proclaim          My name through all the earth…

                     that you may know that the earth is the LORD's….

                                 I have hardened his heart and the heart of his servants, that I may perform these signs of Mine among them and that you may tell in the hearing of your son, and of your grandson how I made a mockery of the Egyptians and how I performed My signs among them, that you may know that I am the LORD."

God was not in a hurry to free the Israelites.  God was not concerned about how quickly they could get to the promised land.  He WAS concerned about the glory of His name.  He had a lot to teach His people about His power, His provision, His protection…and that would require 10 plagues and the long way around the wilderness.   

So for now we wait.  We trust that God will finish what He started, because He promises in His word that He does.  Will that finished product be another sweet boy added to the Jacobs' household?  We don't know.  Will the finished product be stronger faith, deeper love for God?  Most assuredly.  But what else it will entail….we will have to wait and see.  

We are so very thankful for those who partner with us regularly in praying for Igor.  Please continue to lift him up.  We did hear from Nastya a few weeks ago, that because Eastern Ukraine continues to be volatile, the orphans will most likely be permanently transferred to Odessa for the school year.  At that time they will have to move their paperwork.  When the paperwork is moved, we can request another SDA appointment and begin our adoption again.  The moving of the paperwork, as I said in a previous blog, will require many signatures and approvals and could be a long process.  We ask that you pray with us for the paperwork to be safely (you notice I did not say 'quickly'…even though I wanted to) moved, so that all of these waiting children can be united with their forever families.  We don't expect to hear anymore about this process until the beginning of September.  

Good news….and bad news

Habakkuk 3:17-19

"Though the fig tree should not blossom 

And there be no fruit on the vines,

Though the yield of the olive should fail

and the fields produce no food,

Though the flock should be cut off from the fold

And there be no cattle in the stalls,

Yet I will exult in the Lord,

I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.

The Lord God is my strength,

And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,

And makes me walk on my high places."

So which do you want to hear first?  The good news?  or the bad news?  How about if we sandwich the bad news in between the good news?

On Thursday this week, after several weeks of waiting with no news at all, I received this text from Monica, the sweet mom who hosted Igor last summer:

                     "I just heard that they are allowing evacuation of orphans from Igor's region…"

After several messages back and forth it was confirmed that her New Horizons for Children coordinator had heard directly from Nastya, the facilitator in Ukraine, that 500 orphans from the region of Lugansk were being evacuated by train to Odessa.  I was overwhelmed with praise to God!  Surely, Igor would be one of those children being transported to a safer place!  And then later that afternoon, after two and a half months of silence, the teacher at his orphanage, finally replied to my email with this short message:

Hello Kimmy. Sorry for the late reply to your letter. We very dangerous. There is a war, kill women and children. Today all of our school children were evacuated to a safer place in the city Odessa.

Just that morning I had been reading the headlines on Kyivpost.com and was very discouraged to see that the violence in Lugansk was only escalating.  There seems to be no hope of peace on the horizon.  

We are overwhelmed with gratitude to God, that he has transported these sweet children to a safe place for the time being!  And we began to get our hopes up that now, perhaps we could reopen the discussion of continuing our adoption, now that Igor was in a safer region of Ukraine.  I had already arranged to talk to Nastya on the phone on Friday morning, because I had many questions that were not being answered and I thought it would be helpful to talk to the facilitator in Ukraine directly.  As we spoke, it became very clear that she held no hope at all that our adoption would be able to be completed.   She informed me that just because Igor was now in Odessa, that did not mean that we could continue the adoption from there.  Igor would have to be officially transferred to another orphanage in a different region for us to be given permission from the SDA to continue the adoption.  Nastya was very clear that this had NEVER been done before.  In order for this to happen, first the orphanage director would have to ask for the transfer, then it would have to be approved by the children's services and education department in his region.  She said this would take months to do.  She also gave very little hope of peace being restored to Lugansk.  She told me that the people there want to be a part of Russia.  She said it's very dangerous there now.  Bombings, fires, shootings, bridges being blown up.  Even if we were given permission from the SDA to go into Lugansk, travel would be very difficult.  She compared Lugansk to Crimea and told me that many families were unable to complete their adoptions after Russia took over and she felt that we were probably in the same situation.  

     I also asked her if there was anyway she could bend the rules and allow us to host Igor with NHFC this summer, even though we were way past the deadline to sign up.  She informed me that that would be impossible.  Bad news and more bad news.  This adoption is quite impossible and we can't host Igor this summer.  

     But while this is by far the worst news we have heard in this adoption process, I was not discouraged after this conversation with Nastya.  I had an unexplainable peace.  A peace that seemed to be very elusive to me over the last few weeks.  Ever since May 16th, when our dreams of traveling to Ukraine to bring our boy home were put on an indefinite hold, I have struggled daily to hold onto truth.  I would have good days where I was believing the promises of God and filling my mind with His truth, followed by days of desperate despair where I felt like screaming at God,  "I can't do this anymore!!!"  At one point I even told Jim,  "God has obviously said no to this dream, so I'm not going to pray about this anymore.  You can keep praying if you want to, but I'm done."  Only a day or two later, God gently chided me for this attitude through the encouraging words of our daughter, Ellie.  She had recently read a book about persevering through prayer and she gave me these two illustrations to remind me that we "should always pray and not give up".  

     Imagine a family, who lives in Raleigh, decides to go on vacation to Disney Land in California.  They spend 5 days driving, traversing thousands of miles.  5 miles before they reach Disney Land they become extremely discouraged with how long the trip is taking and they decide to give up and just go home.

     Or imagine a football player just received a pass from the quarterback and he dodges tackle after tackle and runs 58 yards towards the end zone.  When he's just 2 yards from a touchdown he suddenly stops, sits down and decides he can't do it.  

    Pretty silly, huh?  At the same time, in my own Bible study, God was showing me where I was getting off track.  As I was waiting on God, I was confusing His ways with His will.  Remember the story of Joseph in the Bible?  God revealed to Joseph in a dream that he would one day be a great ruler.  But what was the next thing that happened?  He was betrayed by his brothers, thrown into a pit and sold into slavery….and from there ended up in prison!  For 20 years!!  Slavery and prison??  You have to believe Joseph must have questioned God about this during those 20 years.  He must have wondered at some point if he had heard God wrong.  How could this be carrying out God's will??  Let me quote from "Live a Praying Life" by Jennifer Kennedy Dean:

     When you treat prayer as if you have the right to tell God how to do His work you will be disappointed.  When you realize God's ways are not your ways you will not be thrown off balance when circumstances seem to be leading away from God's will.  You can trust that God is steadily moving forward in the direction of his will……God's delays are loving, purposeful, profitable and deliberate.  God wants to do more than we can think or imagine and sometimes that requires a waiting period.  He wants us to see the Lordship of Jesus in areas that never occurred to us before.  When God builds a waiting period into your life it means that what He is doing requires it.  He is working out circumstances so that his power and glory will be on display.  

I realized that my faith had shifted from God Himself, to the works of God.  When the ways of God were beyond my understanding my faith began to crumble.  And so in repentance, this became my only prayer….Father, not my will, but yours be done.  Father, glorify your name…whatever it takes….glorify your name.  And as that became my only prayer….peace returned.   So when Nastya told us that this adoption was virtually impossible….I was not discouraged.  Because hasn't that been our prayer all along?…that God would move in a way to accomplish this so that all would know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that ONLY GOD could have done this.  So now we are in a perfect position.  A position for God to magnificently and powerfully work out His will.  A position to give God all the glory.  No matter what.  And that's the best news!  

But even as Nastya shared these hard words with me on Friday, she did give me a bit of hope that there may still be a way to host Igor this summer.  There is another hosting organization that brings children to the US in August instead of July.  She gave me the name of this group and encouraged me to contact them.  I did, and the director was very encouraging that he might be able to work this out.  We are checking into that now.  

So prayer warriors, here are some ways you can be praying for us in the next few weeks:

- Praise God!  He has moved Igor and the other children to a safe place!

- Continued protection for Igor and the children

- God to do His will in His way in His timing

- God to glorify his name

- Protection for us from the onslaughts and lies of the enemy

- God to work out the details for us to be able to host Igor through a different hosting organization

- God to move mountains, to do a new work that has never been done, to do the impossible.

- That we would be bold to share the gospel through the "glorious unfolding" of this story

For those of you who are local, our dear youth pastor has asked if they can have a short time of prayer for our family and this adoption in the youth service on Sunday (June 8th).  It will begin at 9:30 in the chapel and we'd love to have your join us.  It shouldn't be more than 15 minutes.

I close with this verse that God led me to yesterday,

Revelation 3:7-8

…He who is holy, who is true, who has the key of David, who opens and

no one will shut, and who shuts and no one opens, says this:  "I know your deeds, 

Behold, I have put before you an open door which no one can shut, because you

have a little power, and have kept My word, and have not denied My name."

If God has closed this door…No one can open it…and if God has OPENED this door…
NO ONE can shut it!

Roadblocks, Detours, and Disappointments

This is not a posting I was ever wanting to make on this blog.   And I won't spend a lot of time trying to be creative in my writing.  Today we hit a major road block in this adoption process and as I try to write this post, I'm heartbroken and numb, trying to adjust, trying to trust, trying to remind myself who is in control here.
On Tuesday morning the call that we had been hoping for, longing for, praying for....finally came!  Our adoption coordinator called that morning to tell us that our SDA appointment was May 27th in Kiev and we would be flying to Ukraine on May 25th.  I was elated!  Full of joy and thankfulness!  Wanting to tell everyone about this exciting news! Ellie, Josiah, Ashley and I rejoiced together and I asked Ellie to quickly  construct a poster for me to take to Jim's office.   After I dropped Josiah off at school I drove over to Jim's office and walked into the receptionist area with a huge grin on my face.  Jim's staff could tell something was up.   Fortunately, Jim wasn't with a patient...he was standing in the hall.  So I held up my sign and burst into tears.

Finally!  After months of waiting...we had our travel dates!  And it was less then two weeks away!!  For two days we excitedly began making plans to travel.  Jim's schedule was cleared of appointments, shopping lists and packing lists were made out, childcare arrangements were put in place, weekend trips that had been planned were cancelled, thoughts of hugging my son before the end of the month filled my head.  But Thursday afternoon that all came to a screeching halt....

There is a family that we met during our hosting time last Christmas who has been tracking along at about the same pace as us in the adoption process.  Their approval and SDA appointment came a couple weeks before ours and this week they have been in Ukraine.  It's been a rough week for them.  They arrived in Kiev, only to hear that the Orphan Services Director did not want to give them a referral to travel to Lugansk for their daughter.  After much prayer, the director reluctantly granted them permission and their referral, but made them sign a form saying they were not holding Orphan Services or the American Embassy responsible for any danger that they would encounter on the journey.  Yesterday, we saw their blog with this update:

They closed adoptions to our region today.

My heart sunk as I read this and I immediately tried to contact our adoption coordinator to see if this was true.  Igor is in the same region as their daughter.  What would this mean for us?  Although I repeatedly tried, I couldn't get a response from our coordinator.  But this morning I received the dreaded phone call.  Yes.  It's true.  Effective immediately today, all adoptions in the regions of Donetsk and Lugansk have been closed.  Orphan services feels it's too dangerous to allow American families to travel there.  NO exceptions will be made.  Now instead of calling the travel agent who had reserved our flights to pay for our plane tickets...I would call him and tell him to cancel the reservation.  We could not travel.  

So what does that mean for us going forward?  Tonya did give us a smidgen of hope to hang onto when we spoke this morning.  She said that the SDA is going to wait and see what happens with the election on May 25th (Yes, we had been scheduled to travel on election day....of all days...)  If things get messy after the election they are going to try and get the children who are in the process of being adopted out of those regions to a safe place.  Right now, that's all the information we have.  We don't know if the region will open back up for adoption.  We don't know what would happen if they moved Igor to a safe place.  But today, even as we reel from this news we will choose not to hang our hope on man and his abilities, but on God who is Sovereign in all things.  God.  Who moves mountains.  God.  Who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or think.  God.  Who is our only stronghold and strength when everything else crumbles around us.  God.  Who says,

Do not call to mind the former things,

Or ponder things of the past.

Behold, I will do something new,

Now it will spring forth;

Will you not be aware of it?

I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,

Rivers in the desert.

God is fully capable of rescuing Igor and bringing him home to us.  He is fully capable of accomplishing this adoption in a way we couldn't have imagined and has never been done before.  But we will declare, just as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego declared...

"If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire (the Ukrainian unrest)  and He will deliver us out of your hand,

O King.  But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O King,

That we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that 

you have set up."

"But even is He does not....."  Even if He does not fulfill this dream....We will still praise Him.  We will still love Him.  And we will still trust that His plan is best.  

So please pray with us....

 - for healing of our broken hearts

- for renewed trust in God's sovereign and perfect plan

- for protection for Igor

- for God to be glorified

- for God to bring about Igor's rescue

- for safety for the family in Ukraine right now.  They are in a very dangerous place.

Jim told me yesterday, that when I texted him the news that Igor's region may be closed for adoption, He immediately began to pray and He was reminded of the story of Abraham and Isaac.  Abraham was asked to offer his only son on an altar as a sacrifice to God.  To prove that Abraham trusted God's plan even when he didn't understand it.  To show that he loved God more than anything else.  Jim was reminded that Igor (and all of our children for that matter) is God's.  He doesn't belong to us and he never will.  God will work out His best plan for Igor... in His timing...in His way.

"what Thou wilt; as Thou wilt; when Thou wilt." - Thomas a Kempis

Mile 20

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?

And why have you become disturbed within me?

Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,

The help of my countenance and my God." 

Psalm 42:11

I have been putting off updating our blog for several days now because I was unsure of just what to communicate.  I wanted to wait until we found out our travel dates for Ukraine.  For the past couple weeks I have been on pins and needles, expecting every phone call to be from our adoption coordinator telling us the exciting news that we would be heading to Ukraine this month.  But that call hasn't come. In fact, because of three different holidays in Ukraine in the last two weeks, it seems like things have slowed down to a snail's pace.  Thursday, when I spoke to our coordinator and found out that it could very well be another 3 weeks before we travel I was completely deflated and full of frustration and questions.  I feel like my prayers have been bouncing off the ceiling lately.  There are some specific things I am praying for that have gone unanswered or God has said no to.  As we pray for mountains to move, for Igor to be rescued, for God to be glorified….He seems to remain silent.   And Thursday I hit the wall.  Forgive my running analogy for those of you who aren't runners, but that day felt very much like mile 20 in a marathon.  The wall, in a marathon, happens somewhere around mile 20.  When you hit the wall you feel like you can't possibly go another step.  Everything hurts, you strength is zapped and 6 more miles seems like an impossible feat.  You just want to sit down and quit.  It's TOO hard to go on…what were you possibly thinking when you thought you could do this?  And that was Thursday for me.  I was angry with God for not answering.  I was so very worn with the waiting.  My faith was crumbling.  I felt like I couldn't ask God for anything big, because He wouldn't come through.  This whole adoption journey for us has been going on for 2 1/2 years now and I'm so ready for the happy ending.  Thursday, as I heard more discouraging and frightening news of unrest in Ukraine, in areas so very close to Igor, the question that has been nagging at me in the very back recesses of my mind came spewing out.  God, are you really going to put us through this whole ordeal and not rescue Igor?  Are you planning to break my heart all over again?  I can't take this anymore!  I had hit the wall.

     How do runner's finish a marathon after they've hit the wall?  They refuel, rehydrate, and refocus their eyes back on the goal.  So after sulking for more of the day than I care to admit, I finally, though skeptically, opened my bible to seek nourishment for my depleted soul.  And as I looked to refuel with the "Bread of Life" and rehydrate with the "Living Water," God turned my eyes to Psalm 118.

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good;

For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Oh let Israel say,

His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Oh let the house of Aaron say

His lovingkindness is everlasting

Oh let those who fear the LORD say,

His lovingkindness is everlasting.

From my distress I called upon the LORD;

The LORD answered me and set me in a large place.

The LORD is for me; I will not fear;

What can man do to me?

The word for lovingkindness here is chesed which means goodness, kindness, deeds of devotion, faithfulness, mercies, unchanging love.  The lies that were weighing me down were, "God doesn't love you as much as others, He's not always good, He can't be trusted.  He won't come through."  The truth is God is only good.  His love for me never changes.  He is full of goodness, kindness, faithfulness and deeds of devotion.  He is completely in control of this whole situation and He is working out His perfect plan.  His plan….not my plan.  His timing…. not my timing.  His glory…which will be my happy ending…no matter what happens.  So we continue to wait, and trust….and wait….and trust.  Please continue to pray for Igor's safety during all this unrest in Ukraine.  Click here for a recent story on Donetsk.  Continue to pray that God will keep the doors of adoption open and bring Igor home.  

On a lighter note…we have two new ways you can partner with us to raise funds to bring Igor home.  We have decided to relaunch our T-shirt sales.  Because of some problems with our original company, we are using a different printer and handling sales ourselves.  Our dear friend, Chris Harrell, came up with a wonderful design.  We think you'll love this new shirt!  You can click on the picture on the right to be taken to a page that explains how the sale will work this time.    

The second way you can help us raise money is simply by doing something  most of you do regularly anyways….Drink lots of coffee!!  We have set up a fundraiser with Just Love Coffee Roasters.  JLCR has a variety of products…12 oz. bags, 8 oz. bags, Individual cups, mugs, t-shirts….  You simply need to click on the link on the right to be taken to our storefront, and from there, shop for products.  Be sure to use our link, otherwise we won't get credit for the sales.  Feel free to share our link with all your coffee drinking friends!  

Psalm 118: 15-17

The sound of joyful shouting and salvation is in the tents of the righteous;

The right hand of the LORD does valiantly.

the right hand of the LORD is exalted;

The right hand of the LORD does valiantly.

I will not die but live,

And tell of the works of the LORD.